Hi, we meet again, Blogger.
In short, I’ve broken up after three damn years in a relationship. This is my very first long term relationship with a guy. I spent almost half of my college life with him. Even our families have known each other. All the problems we had over those years always found a way to get solved and made our bond stronger, but in the end, he failed me (or maybe it was us?).
Anyway, proudly said, these are the songs that have accompanied me and my feelings whenever I feel like I’m dying.
Payung Teduh - Untuk Perempuan Yang Sedang Dalam Pelukan
This song is a sensitive topic for me. It contains a lot of memories.. I always felt hugged when hearing this song. It’s literally dalam pelukan. I remember a time when someone uploaded one of my (adorable, lol) picture with this song on Instagram, and I still remember the joy I felt for seeing it.
rumahsakit - Panasea
I first heard this song very early in the year. Actually, this song is so romantic. Imagine having someone to be your panacea. What a peak love song without even mentioning the word love in it.
Panacea: a remedy for all ills or difficulties: cure-all.
Chris Brown (ft. Justin Bieber) - Next to You
This is clearly not a sad song. It was my anthem to show how much I adore someone in my life. I once uploaded moments with this song on Instagram, and ever since, every time I hear it, it feels like a replay of that time when everything was good.
Bleachers - Merry Christmas, Please Don’t Call
Wow, I hear this a lot on TikTok.
I really died slow and wondered what happened to you, why you’re out on your own? I was raging mad, and after thinking about it for a while, it’s kinda weird to me that I want comfort from the person who already knows what they did is hurting me.
I really died slow again while forcing myself to accept the fact that the person I love is no longer the same.
I really died slowly. Most of the time.
But I’m letting go.
I guess I love this song because it was another way of saying good bye that was never said nicely. This is when I think that I really am giving up. I tried not to betray myself.
Reality Club - Four Summers
We’ve been through four summers, and it’s still not enough to maintain the relationship. I might always missing the moments we created together. ‘Cause I just wanna see you again.
Reality Club - 2112
What a song. Although if I were still in my healthiest relationship, hearing this song would still hurt and break my little heart.
It stabbed me in the back all over again to realise that my biggest fear is the unknown of what we'll be in the future. Will we still be together? Were we ever meant to be?
Daniel Caesar - Who Knows
Again, what hurts most is my fear of the unknown. Even though I know we are so in love right now and we have made plans for the future, but who knows?
Reality Club - Enough For You
My last straw of realization. Maybe the capacity is not for me since the first, because I’m a gallon who never get filled up. I am enough for myself, I was not asking for a lot.
I was about to add Reality Club - You’ll Find Lovers Like You And Me to the list, but I kinda disagree with the statement. We will find our love anyway, but I hope that next time, it won’t be like you and me. It should be a new page, it should be going to be stronger and much better than us.
I think life goes on as people dynamically change, so we can’t love the same person every time. We should learn, over and over again, to love them as they grow. Both require accepting the feelings and staying committed to each other. I realized that’s true as long as it’s just the two of us in the relationship. I mean, no other person is included.
I arranged this list by the timeline. In the beginning, there are love songs from when I was the happiest and so in love, then it went to the denial and anger stage, bargaining with myself, until acceptance. Even for the farthest unknown, I should accept it.[]
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